This entry is to serve as a sort of a reminder to myself of something that I likely too often forget: Focus on yourself.
I say this especially in the sense of housework, it’s much like the advice that I’d once read from Marie Kondo. She advises in her book, “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up,” to focus on your things and on your space because if you have a messy family you can’t make them stop being messy, you can only take control of yourself and your own space.
I often forget this in part because of my own poor remembrance and in part because of the unfair expectations of my mother. She rarely if ever takes any initiative to do any tidying in her own room and freely makes a mess in the shared spaces in the house after I’ve done some cleaning. I don’t know why she’s like this but I also don’t know how to change her.
On the other hand when I’m just trying to maintain my own space she sometimes make snobbish remarks of, “Oh you’re only keeping your own room clean, you’re not cleaning the main house that much anymore, it’s no wonder that your space is clean it’s the only part you’ve been cleaning lately,” there were times like that because I hated the repetition of cleaning only to find things a mess again after all my work, that endless unceasing purgatory of feeling like all my work was in vain.
I plan to return my focus on myself and hope that I can find the will inside me to dismiss her remarks, because when I focus on the rest of the house and much less on my own space the purgatory only grows worse because it becomes the expectation that I will constantly pick up the messes they leave around the house with the little bit of energy that remains in me after my 13 hour nursing graveyard shifts. It’s worse this way because no matter where I shift my focus the purgatory will always be there, but at least if I focus first on myself first, then I will at least be able to maintain my little bit of space in good order and in turn, perhaps also be able to maintain my own little bit of sanity as well.
Remember: you are first and foremost responsible for yourself and your actions, as is everyone else. Any expectation beyond that is the expectation that you will carry someone elses weight on top of a burden that already belongs to you and it shouldn’t be that way.
“The greatest gift you can give somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, “If you will take care of me, I will take care of you. “Now I say, I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me.”