I’m not sure what is going on with me right now. I’m thinking that whatever is going on with me is related to my feeling stressed out about the studying that I’ll have to try to squeeze into my schedule because of some of the upcoming competencies that I have along with this cold that I’m still getting over. I’m not right in the middle of my cold, but my sinuses are still a little congested and is still causing me some discomfort. I’m even stressing out about whether or not to attend the high school reunion tomorrow since it will cut away a bit of my study time and I never know who will be there with another cold virus ready to get me sick all over again, don’t mind my paranoia it’s ever-present.
If I do go tomorrow I might not stay too long so that it doesn’t cut into my time and energy too much, also I may not dress up too much since I usually feel more at ease in more casual attire.
Anyhow, to the gist of this entry. I thoroughly dislike being underproductive and I feel that there are sources of this greater than usual under-productivity that I’ve pinned down more so to my lethargy from being sick in combination with the fear of the many responsibilities that feel as though are pilling onto me and making me feel frozen in a sense of dread of the possibility of failure.
But the whole point in me thinking things out and talking things through is in a hope that I will find some solution to any given problem that I happen to be facing.
In this case the solution that I’m hoping might come to my aid is the solution of: being more present. I noticed that in being stressed out, my mind is always wandering and I have trouble keeping focus, but now I want to give myself a challenge and hope that I will succeed in this challenge and it is the challenge of trying to focus on one task at a time. Although in some ways the single task proposition will feel a little underproductive, since I’ll not be allowing myself to multitask, I actually believe that multitasking may be one of my main problems to begin with. Some examples I’ll give are regarding my day to day activities: example one-I’ll put on some water on the electric boiler, it’ll shut off on its own without my noticing and I’ve distracted myself with some other activity with the state of mind of a sense of convenience and yet I never get back to what I initially started since I’ll forget about it. Example two-which applies to not only myself in this household, I think we’re both guilty of this: putting on a load of laundry with the intent of getting back to it and finishing it, but once again falling into the same sort of rabbit hole and forgetting about it all over again. I’m tired of my own distractibility.
This may almost be a sort of self-imposed punishment, but it serves a purpose and will serve to hopefully aid in some of my own progress. I’ll only semi-multitask from now on. When I set about doing some such convenient activity I must choose a way to pass the time in a way that doesn’t fully distract me from my initial action so as to end up forgetting it altogether. Examples of boring tasks to pass the time with: studying (ding-ding-ding-ding-ding), reading, painting my nails, semi-meditation, exercise, etc. Examples of unacceptable excessively distracting activities: watching T.V., being on the phone or computer, etc.
Also all-in-all I intend to try to eat my elephants one bite at a time so as to not overwhelm myself and cause myself to burnout or freeze up. All these big sometimes seemingly impossible tasks in life are impossible to conquer in one go. We are all human, at least I know I’m only human, so I need to remember and to remind myself that sometimes the only way to get things done is by taking little bites, little bites until the elephant has been eaten.