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Autumn Woods

Focus on Yourself

This entry is to serve as a sort of a reminder to myself of something that I likely too often forget: Focus on yourself.

I say this especially in the sense of housework, it’s much like the advice that I’d once read from Marie Kondo. She advises in her book, “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up,” to focus on your things and on your space because if you have a messy family you can’t make them stop being messy, you can only take control of yourself and your own space.

I often forget this in part because of my own poor remembrance and in part because of the unfair expectations of my mother. She rarely if ever takes any initiative to do any tidying in her own room and freely makes a mess in the shared spaces in the house after I’ve done some cleaning. I don’t know why she’s like this but I also don’t know how to change her.

On the other hand when I’m just trying to maintain my own space she sometimes make snobbish remarks of, “Oh you’re only keeping your own room clean, you’re not cleaning the main house that much anymore, it’s no wonder that your space is clean it’s the only part you’ve been cleaning lately,” there were times like that because I hated the repetition of cleaning only to find things a mess again after all my work, that endless unceasing purgatory of feeling like all my work was in vain.

I plan to return my focus on myself and hope that I can find the will inside me to dismiss her remarks, because when I focus on the rest of the house and much less on my own space the purgatory only grows worse because it becomes the expectation that I will constantly pick up the messes they leave around the house with the little bit of energy that remains in me after my 13 hour nursing graveyard shifts. It’s worse this way because no matter where I shift my focus the purgatory will always be there, but at least if I focus first on myself first, then I will at least be able to maintain my little bit of space in good order and in turn, perhaps also be able to maintain my own little bit of sanity as well.

Remember: you are first and foremost responsible for yourself and your actions, as is everyone else. Any expectation beyond that is the expectation that you will carry someone elses weight on top of a burden that already belongs to you and it shouldn’t be that way.

“The greatest gift you can give somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, “If you will take care of me, I will take care of you. “Now I say, I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me.”

Jim Rohn

Expectations for a Rather Boring Coming Year

What I mean by “boring,” is feeling like I’m making very little progress in the next year or two, but it is with the intention of laying the groundwork for a less “boring” future.

My intention for this next year or two is to simply work and save money and do the mundane day to day living as anyone else would.

My purpose for saving my money is so that I can buy a car in the next year since from all appearances it seems like my present car is nearly ready to retire. Having a new car will ease my mind and give me a sense of security that I have a reliable source of transportation for when I decide to return to school and continue to work as a nurse while I do so. Additionally I’m leaning towards buying a Prius because I won’t feel quite as guilty while I drive around if the car that I’m driving is less polluting than most other cars.

The reason why I plan to have two boring years rather than one is because in that first year I plan on buying a car and in the second I plan on saving some extra cash as a little cushion for myself, an emergency fund of sorts, since I want to return to school and can best picture myself doing so if I’m working part time.

Besides I imagine management at work would potentially take more kindly to my request to being part time if I’ve already put in a good deal of time to working for the company prior to my making such a request.

In a sense I guess I see this coming year as a way for me to get all my ducks in order, as a way of laying the groundwork for other things I’d like to do and alas doing so may feel to me a rather boring enterprise, but all good things take time and more can be got for those who wait.

I’ve edited this post on 12-25-18 and I’ll also add the following note at this time: I’ll likely not follow through on this original plan for the next boring year or two (I may not even follow through on buying a car). I feel time is too precious to wait on some important matters. I may not even ask to be part time, but I may at least ask to work 6 days instead of 7 each pay period and I may start school online at WGU. I might even postpone car-buying if home-buying might be feasible. It’s all up in the air at this moment in time, but hopefully when the dust settles I’ll have made some good decisions for myself…